Score Another Victory For The Robots
Christmas is over and now is when we start to recover from the violence that erupted during our family gatherings. We have an exclusive about another family who much like yours, didn’t have an ideal Christmas.
According to our sources, the family in the final scene of the Carousel of Progress had their Christmas dinner ruined by a voice-activated oven. Details are still scarce but from what we can understand a mix-up occurred when the father, John, was speaking to his son and mother about a high score in a virtual reality game. The oven mistook the conversation as commands and adjusted its temperature accordingly. We spoke to Beth Anderson, an eyewitness to the tragedy.
“It started off innocently enough,” explains Anderson. “John was repeating each of his mother’s new high scores. Unbeknownst to John, the oven was repeating those scores back and raising the temperature.”
At one point, the oven got up to a staggering 975 degrees. To put that into perspective, that’s just about as hot as a summer day in Phoenix, Arizona.
“I was trying to get John’s attention throughout this whole thing, but he couldn’t hear me from my seat,” continued Anderson. She went on to say that she jumped up and down to and even threw a tampon at John to warn him of the pending danger.
“I missed and accidentally hit the mother Sarah instead,” said Anderson. “She didn’t budge either.”
How Hot Is Too Hot?
Typhoid Lagoon spoke to Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, a master chef for White Castle in St. Paul, Minnesota to get his thoughts.
“As someone who bakes full-size turkeys in the oven on the reg, I am fairly certain 975 degrees is too warm to cook a turkey,” said Geronimo.
When John finally realized his error, it was too late. The turkey was burned to a crisp. The family seemed to laugh it off, possibly indicating that this is not the first time John had a major fuck up. The family opted for frozen pizza in lieu of the burnt turkey. In a truly bizarre move, the family even decided to sing a song together despite their food being inedible.
No injuries have been reported so far. Keep checking back for updates.