Disney Set To Dole Whip Your Ass:

This week Disney announced that all Walt Disney World Resort guests will be able to unlock their room with a Dole Whip by the end of this year. Previously guests could use their MagicBand or something called a “key” to gain access to their guest room.

“Guests have always been wanting more technology integrated into their vacation experience,” says Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Geronimo is Vice President of Walt Disney World Guest Room Technologies. “What better way to bring people into the future than having guests enter their rooms with a friggen Dole Whip?”

Dole Whips have sort of become the “must have” snack while visiting Walt Disney World. They taste like hype and smell like feet. Guests purchase unhealthy amounts of the product to show off the iconic drink to their Instagram followers.

“It’s really quite dumb, but if we can make a buck off of your stupidity, we’ll do it!”, said Geronimo.

Hold Your Drink Up To The Door To Enter:

Here’s how the technology works. Guests purchase a Dole Whip upon arrival to their Walt Disney World Resort hotel of choice. The drink’s cup will have a unique sensor with a code that interacts with the lock on your door. The code expires when you finish the drink, requiring you to purchase another drink to open the door in the future. The cup’s sensor sends out the code only when there is liquid inside the cup. When the cup is empty, the code to unlock your door stops transmitting.

“People may accuse us of capitalizing on our guests with our latest ‘money grab’,” said Geronimo. “It’s more than that. This new system will allow our guests to enter their room with an item that is likely already in their hands. We always prioritize guest convenience over profits.”

The new system will roll out to the Deluxe Resorts by October. The rest of the resorts will have the system implemented by the 2018 holiday season.