Discount Plastic Straws Being Sold Off-Property:
This week Disney announced they will eliminate the use of single-use plastic straws from their parks by mid-2019. Many applauded the move saying that it shows that Disney is doing its best to lead the way in conservation efforts. Critics of the move say it’s insensitive to those needing special assistance who may require the use of a straw. Still others claim that Disney could be doing much more to reduce waste.
One unforeseen problem, however, is the amount of bootleg and counterfeit plastic straw stores opening up just outside the Walt Disney World gates. Our sources indicate that three new discount plastic straw stores have opened outside Disney World in the last month. Permits have been filed for another 12 stores that are hoping to open by the end of the year.
“There’s always going to be an element of cheap rip-off Disney merch for sale outside our gates,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Geronimo is Vice President for Disney’s Plastic Consumption Division at Walt Disney World. “I supposed we should have guessed that some low-life would try to piggy-back off us to try to make a quick buck.”
Plastic Sells, But Who’s Buying?:
We spoke with the owner of Discount Disney Straws, located within walking distance of Disney Springs.
“I’m just trying to support my family,” said Chase Greggory, father of nine. “If Disney doesn’t want produce straws, I’ll jump in there and supply a need [to the guests]. Disney’s loss is my gain. If I don’t do it, someone else will. At least my product is legit.”
Greggory was referring to the countless individuals who have taken to eBay to sell counterfeit plastic straws to Disney park guests. According to Geronimo, Disney is aware of people selling fake merchandise on eBay. They are actively trying to shut down each listing that appears.
“We can’t shut them down fast enough,” said Geronimo. “When one listing gets removed, another four pop up in its place.”
Geronimo advises against purchasing any plastic straws on eBay because there is no guarantee if they are FDA-approved. They also could be used straws.
“If you really need a straw that bad, my number two recommendation is to go to Costco and pick yourself up a box of 100 straws to bring to the parks,” concluded Geronimo. “My number one recommendation is to come to Disney World, accept your fate, or go fuck yourselves.”