Cast Members at the Walt Disney World Resort are being encouraged to take this Labor Day off from work, according to a company wide memo sent to all Disney World Cast Members on Sunday. The resort-wide paid vacation day was granted to all employees in recognition for “putting up with some really wicked assholes.”
People who work at the Walt Disney World Resort (known as “Cast Members”) generally have a great time interacting with happy and appreciative guests. However, it may shock you to discover that there are a few assholes out in the world, and those assholes like taking vacations to Walt Disney World too.
“We welcome any paying guest to Walt Disney World Resort, even if they’re assholes.” Beverly Chase, Vice President of Guest Satisfaction tells us. “We don’t discriminate. We cater to patient and appreciative families and we also cater to total cunts and complete douchebags. If you have money, you are welcome here.”
Unfortunately, those so-called ‘cunts’ and ‘douchebags’ make life difficult for hard-working Cast Members.
“I once got chewed out because Ariel wasn’t wearing enough clothes,” Bert Vang, Cast Member on the Voyage of the Little Mermaid attraction tells us. “Some lady was berating me because of that.”
Ariel is a character from 1989’s hit full-length feature animation hit The Little Mermaid. She is featured in a truncated version of the film at the Voyage of the Little Mermaid stage show at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
“Yeah, me. I’m the guy that drew Ariel with no clothes. I’m the guy that constructed this theater. I’m the guy that who designed Ariel’s costume. Me. And now that I’m rolling in dough, I come down here every day and work for near minimum wage at this attraction, just so I can watch other people enjoy my creation,” Vang continued sarcastically.
Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III is the Vice President of Cast Member Resources and author of the memo. He has been in this position within the company for a week.
“Look, I know the Cast Members don’t get paid a lot. We all know that,” Geronimo said. “For the most part, guests to our park are super cool, but yeah, some assholes infiltrate our perimeter. It sucks but they’re paying guests like all the rest. This day off [for the Cast Members] is meant to show our appreciation to them for putting up with those assholes on a daily basis.”
When TyphoidLagoon.com asked Geronimo how the parks were going to operate without anyone working, he paused to reflect.
“Well, I guess…” Geronimo said after a lengthy pause before stopping again. “Hmmm, honestly, I didn’t really think that far ahead yet.”
Guests visiting Walt Disney World on Labor Day should expect slower-than-normal response times and a limited experience inside the parks because there will be no one working.