IllumiNations Replacing Fireworks With Sparklers

Sparklers Being Used In New Sensory-Friendly Show Parents of sensory-sensitive children are rejoicing this morning as Disney has announced to replace IllumiNations with a tamed down version of the show. IllumiNations is a nighttime fireworks spectacular featuring music, fire, lasers, explosions, and fireworks. It’s really awesome but for a child with sensory issues, however, it can be a fucking nightmare. “I don’t want to say ‘we listened’ to our guests,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. “It’s more like ‘we caved’ to our guests [with sensory issues].” Geronimo is Vice President of Policy Changes Based On Guest Input for Walt Disney… Continue reading this fake story…

Epcot Adding FEMA Trailers Ahead of Festivals

Epcot Prepares for New Wave of Guests: The Food and Wine Festival at Epcot kicks off on August 30th. Disney has begun moving in FEMA trailers in preparation for the large crowds expected during the park’s festival season. Over the years, the Food and Wine Festival has grown exponentially in popularity. Epcot sees its capacity reached early in the day as guests seek refuge inside the park to sample food and beverages from around the world. The park gets so overloaded that families often get separated and routes get gridlocked for days. Some guests have even gone missing and in… Continue reading this fake story…

Epcot to Add North Korea to World Showcase

Our spies have uncovered permits detailing the addition of North Korea to Epcot’s World Showcase lineup. The last time World Showcase received a new country came way back in 1988 when Norway was added. Since then, several additions have been rumored and even announced but for one reason or another, all of those plans fell through. It appears as though that is all about to change. Hoping to capitalize on the public’s increased awareness of North Korea as of late, Disney hopes park guests will arrive in masses to visit this completely immersive experience. When we reached out to Disney… Continue reading this fake story…

Family Late to Dinner in World Showcase Because of Bridge

A family vacationing in Walt Disney World this week was late to their dining reservations at Germany’s Biergarten restaurant in Epcot’s World Showcase. The bridge that separates China and Germany was closed to pedestrian traffic to allow for IllumiNations fireworks floats to get into position for a performance later that evening. “Our timing issues had been compounding all day and the bridge being closed was what was finally sealed the deal [on us being late],” said Jason Griggs, husband and father of two girls. “I knew we were in trouble when we arrived at Epcot and couldn’t find an open… Continue reading this fake story…

World Traveler Explains Inaccuracies to Cast Members

A self-proclaimed “World Traveler” recently visited Epcot’s World Showcase to explain to the country’s Cast Members what is authentic and what is inaccurate about the countries represented versus their real-world counterparts. “I’m a very important businessman, so I am afforded the opportunity to visit many countries around the world,” said Clint Fleetman, World Traveler. “Whenever I get a chance, I head on over to Epcot to make sure each country’s Cast Members are operating in a way that is authentic to the region they represent.” According to Fleetman, he works his way methodically from left-to-right across World Showcase, starting in… Continue reading this fake story…