The Flat Spaceship Earth Society Gains Traction

Group Vows to Defy Logic and Common Sense A very small yet vocal group of slow thinkers have recently been gaining mainstream traction. They call themselves the Flat Spaceship Earth Society. The FSES believes that the Spaceship Earth attraction at Epcot is actually flat. They say that there isn’t enough evidence to support the attraction as a geodesic sphere. “I’m just not buying the official story,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Geronimo is the Vice President of the Flat Spaceship Earth Society. “There is no way the attraction’s ride layout would work unless it was on a flat plane.” The… Continue reading this fake story…

Spaceship Earth to be Remade as Ball from Indiana Jones Movie

The famous rolling ball that almost flattened Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark will soon be part of the makeover for the iconic Spaceship Earth attraction at Epcot. This comes in response to the backlash over projecting an image of the Death Star from the Star Wars films onto the beloved attraction. “We were shocked by the reaction of some Disney fans online to the Death Star projection on Spaceship Earth,” said Remi Angeles, Vice President of Social Media Relations for Walt Disney World. “We weren’t shocked that people were rejecting the change because that is commonplace with… Continue reading this fake story…

Mike Tyson Next to Narrate Spaceship Earth

Epcot officials announced today that the next celebrity voice to narrate the Spaceship Earth attraction will be Mike Tyson. The former professional boxer beat out a long line of celebrities vying for the job including Rosanne Barr, Brendan Fraser, Fran Drescher, and Brock Lesner. “We are very excited to have Mr. Mike Tyson be our next narrator,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, Vice President of Epcot’s Spaceship Earth Narrator Search. “The process of finding a new narrator begins almost immediately after the current one is chosen. It’s a grueling process that not many Hollywood celebrities are up to. Mike Tyson… Continue reading this fake story…

Breaking News: First Look at Hurricane Matthew Damage

As the theme parks at Walt Disney World Resort re-open today, Typhoid Lagoon reporters were granted full media access around the property to see what kind of damage Hurricane Matthew inflicted. We first made our way to Animal Kingdom. Animal Kingdom: The park overall seemed to be in great condition. We were expecting the bloody carcasses of animals lying about on the pedestrian walkways. Either no animals perished or Disney did a fantastic job cleaning up all of the blood and entrails. We made our way over to Dinoland, USA where the damage to the park is quite apparent. It… Continue reading this fake story…