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IllumiNations Replacing Fireworks With Sparklers

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Sparklers Being Used In New Sensory-Friendly Show Parents of sensory-sensitive children are rejoicing this morning as Disney has announced to replace IllumiNations with a tamed down version of the show. IllumiNations is a nighttime fireworks spectacular featuring music, fire, lasers, explosions, and fireworks. It’s really awesome but for a child with sensory issues, however, it can be a fucking nightmare. “I don’t want to say ‘we listened’ to our guests,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. “It’s more like ‘we caved’ to our guests [with sensory issues].” Geronimo is Vice President of Policy Changes Based On Guest Input for Walt Disney… Continue reading this fake story…

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NEW Osbourne Light Display Coming to Hollywood Studios

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Disney announced yesterday that a new holiday lighting spectacular will soon be temporarily replacing the popular Star Wars: A Galactic Spectacular Fireworks display just in time for the holiday season. The Osbourne Family Light Spectacular (not to be confused with the Osborne Family Lights which used to enchant guests prior to the Streets of America refurbishment) will delight guests with Christmas lights and music, lasers, rock and/or roll music, fireworks and snowfall. The new fireworks show will be designed by former Black Sabbath frontman and music legend Ozzy Osbourne, and will feature a nightly audio recording of Ozzy narrating a… Continue reading this fake story…