Man Awakens From Coma: “Take Me To CommuniCore!”

Man In For A World Of Hurt: A man who slipped and hit his head in 1989 has finally awaken from his coma. His first words to his wife: “Take me to CommuniCore!” Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III was visiting Epcot in 1989 when he made the fateful decision to purchase a frozen Mickey ice cream bar. His butter fingers quickly dropped that ice cream bar on the pavement. He slipped on the melted ice cream as he was reaching down to clean it up, which caused him to hit his head hard on a concrete bench. He had been in… Continue reading this fake story…

Innoventions’ Tom Morrow 2.0 Caught Replicating Himself

An unsettling discovery was uncovered late last night in Epcot. Our sources indicate that upon a routine inspection of the mostly-abandoned Innoventions buildings, they discovered that Tom Morrow 2.0 had been replicating himself for months. Tom Morrow 2.0 was the robotic greeter who served as the ambassador and self-proclaimed “Gate Keeper” to the Innoventions pavilion. He interacted with guests and even spoke interesting trivia facts. His popularity earned him reoccurring segment on the Disney Channel called “Imagineer That!” where he would read viewer questions and explain how Imagineers design and craft rides and attractions at the Disney Theme Parks. “We… Continue reading this fake story…

Breaking News: First Look at Hurricane Matthew Damage

As the theme parks at Walt Disney World Resort re-open today, Typhoid Lagoon reporters were granted full media access around the property to see what kind of damage Hurricane Matthew inflicted. We first made our way to Animal Kingdom. Animal Kingdom: The park overall seemed to be in great condition. We were expecting the bloody carcasses of animals lying about on the pedestrian walkways. Either no animals perished or Disney did a fantastic job cleaning up all of the blood and entrails. We made our way over to Dinoland, USA where the damage to the park is quite apparent. It… Continue reading this fake story…