The Michael Eisner Story Will Replace One Man’s Dream

Iconic Attraction Will Feature Michael Eisner’s Origins Officials for Disney’s Hollywood Studios announced today that the beloved One Man’s Dream attraction will soon get a thrilling upgrade. The walk-through attraction will feature memorabilia and a short 90-minute film about Michael Eisner’s life. Eisner was the CEO of The Walt Disney Company from 1984 – 2005. He is credited for bringing Disney to a larger mainstream audience and turning it into a highly profitable company. “We think it’s time the world hears the Michael Eisner story,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Geronimo is Vice President of the Attraction Refurbishment Division for… Continue reading this fake story…

Ride Closure Makes Magic Kingdom A Half-Day Park

Tron Construction Will Temporarily Close Two Rides: With the construction set to begin on the Tron roller coaster, Disney announced some scheduled closures of nearby rides. One of the casualties will be the Walt Disney World Railroad as well as the Tomorrowland Speedway. Both rides will need to close to accommodate the new ride’s construction. The footprint of the roller coaster will cover parts of both the railroad and the speedway. Not all park guests are happy about this news, however. Some have taken to the Internet to vent about Disney temporarily closing these two iconic attractions to make room… Continue reading this fake story…

ABC Commissary Ranked #1 Restaurant Alphabetically

Quick Service Restaurant Gets Honors At Top of Alphabet The prestigious honors were bestowed upon the ABC Commissary for appearing at the top of several lists which rank restaurants based on the alphabet. As Hollywood Studios’ premiere quick service dining location, the new recognition for ABC Commissary can only do good things for a park that had seen a decline in attendance over the years. “This is the shot in the arm we needed,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, Vice President of WDW Dining. “Getting ranked number one alphabetically will do wonders for restoring our park’s street cred until Galaxy’s… Continue reading this fake story…

Disney Sprays for Pedophiles Ahead of Opening of Toy Story Land

Exterminators Spraying For Creeps Rodents and other pests won’t be the only vile creatures not welcome when Toy Story Land opens on June 30th. Disney’s Hollywood Studios will also use their exterminators to spray for pedophiles. When a new ride or attraction debuts, it is customary for exterminators to spray for insects prior to its opening. Disney chose to take it a step further for the new kid-oriented land at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. They hope to keep the area clear of creepy people who would otherwise prey on children. “It’s one of those things that you don’t really notice until… Continue reading this fake story…

Top 10 Places to Break Up at Walt Disney World

You think a trip to Disney World is going to save your relationship but you are dead wrong. If anything, this vacation of yours has intensified your hate for one another. With this in mind, we present to you the top 10 places to break up throughout Walt Disney World, courtesy of Typhoid Lagoon’s Senior Relationship Expert, Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. 10 – Space Mountain As you are screaming and hollering throughout the rapid descents and twisting turns, proclaim to your (former) lover that it’s over. It will be dark so they won’t be able to find your face to… Continue reading this fake story…