Skyliner Will NOT Have Microwave

Guests Will Have to Heat Hot Pockets Elsewhere Disney announced last week that new Skyliners will NOT have microwaves aboard. Many guests were shocked to discover this after they naturally assumed a microwave would be present. “No microwave on Disney’s #Skyliner?! Uh, WOT?!? What am I supposed to eat from Point A to Point B?” tweeted @TomMotionless. “What are my non-vaccinated babies supposed to drink aboard the #DisneySkyliner? ROOM TEMPERATURE gluten free almond milk?” tweeted @DisneyMomm. The Skyliner project is an ambitious new way to transport guests to the theme parks. Construction has already begun and is scheduled to open… Continue reading this fake story…

Rickshaw Service to Connect Epcot to Hollywood Studios

Typhoid Lagoon spies have recently uncovered permits filed by Reedy Creek Improvement District to start a new transportation service between the parks. The files indicate that rickshaws are being strongly considered to shuttle guests from park to park. Rickshaws (alternatively known as “ricksha” and “rikisha” in other parts of the world) are human-powered carts that have a maximum capacity of two people – or one very large woman from the Midwest. They were invented in Japan in the late 1860’s due to Japan’s airways being clogged with traffic from hovering vehicles. It was a simple, yet effective mode of transportation,… Continue reading this fake story…