Man Awakens From Coma: “Take Me To CommuniCore!”

Man In For A World Of Hurt: A man who slipped and hit his head in 1989 has finally awaken from his coma. His first words to his wife: “Take me to CommuniCore!” Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III was visiting Epcot in 1989 when he made the fateful decision to purchase a frozen Mickey ice cream bar. His butter fingers quickly dropped that ice cream bar on the pavement. He slipped on the melted ice cream as he was reaching down to clean it up, which caused him to hit his head hard on a concrete bench. He had been in… Continue reading this fake story…

The Flat Spaceship Earth Society Gains Traction

Group Vows to Defy Logic and Common Sense A very small yet vocal group of slow thinkers have recently been gaining mainstream traction. They call themselves the Flat Spaceship Earth Society. The FSES believes that the Spaceship Earth attraction at Epcot is actually flat. They say that there isn’t enough evidence to support the attraction as a geodesic sphere. “I’m just not buying the official story,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Geronimo is the Vice President of the Flat Spaceship Earth Society. “There is no way the attraction’s ride layout would work unless it was on a flat plane.” The… Continue reading this fake story…

Living With The Land Experiences COLOSSAL 15-Minute Wait!

In a sign that the busy summer season at Walt Disney World is in full swing, our network of spies have informed us that the Living with the Land attraction in Epcot experienced a rare 15-minute stand-by wait yesterday. “We’re still running the numbers but first reports are indicating that these wait times are accurate,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, Vice President of Disney World’s Ride Capacity Data and Analysis Division. “We haven’t seen anything like this since Horizons was closed and Test Track was still being built… or I guess, now that I think about it… last summer at… Continue reading this fake story…

Coming Soon: All Parade Floats To Be Set Ablaze

Late last week theme park guests visiting Magic Kingdom Park looked on in horror as the parade float depicting the beloved Maleficent dragon from Sleeping Beauty caught fire during the Festival of Fantasy parade. Luckily, no one was injured and the blaze was quickly extinguished. Or was it? Out of the ashes of the damaged parade float came a wonderful idea: set all parade floats on fire. “Guest Services was flooded with comments following the Maleficent dragon going up in flames,” said Sandy Richards, Vice President of Guest Relations. “They wanted to know when they could see more parade floats… Continue reading this fake story…

Universe of Energy Being Replaced with Chris Pratt’s House

Epcot’s Universe of Energy attraction is about to get a makeover. Rumors have been running rampant that a Guardians of the Galaxy theme is on its way to replace Universe of Energy. A source tells us that this rumor is “close, but not quite” the truth. “Chris Pratt will soon be building a new home on the site of the current Universe of Energy attraction,” Madeline Schrute, Vice President of Walt Disney World’s Interior Design of Celebrity and Foreign Dignitary’s Homes division said. “Guests will get a chance to tour his home with a ‘MTV Cribs’-styled presentation.” MTV Cribs was… Continue reading this fake story…