IllumiNations Replacing Fireworks With Sparklers

Sparklers Being Used In New Sensory-Friendly Show Parents of sensory-sensitive children are rejoicing this morning as Disney has announced to replace IllumiNations with a tamed down version of the show. IllumiNations is a nighttime fireworks spectacular featuring music, fire, lasers, explosions, and fireworks. It’s really awesome but for a child with sensory issues, however, it can be a fucking nightmare. “I don’t want to say ‘we listened’ to our guests,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. “It’s more like ‘we caved’ to our guests [with sensory issues].” Geronimo is Vice President of Policy Changes Based On Guest Input for Walt Disney… Continue reading this fake story…

Coming Soon: All Parade Floats To Be Set Ablaze

Late last week theme park guests visiting Magic Kingdom Park looked on in horror as the parade float depicting the beloved Maleficent dragon from Sleeping Beauty caught fire during the Festival of Fantasy parade. Luckily, no one was injured and the blaze was quickly extinguished. Or was it? Out of the ashes of the damaged parade float came a wonderful idea: set all parade floats on fire. “Guest Services was flooded with comments following the Maleficent dragon going up in flames,” said Sandy Richards, Vice President of Guest Relations. “They wanted to know when they could see more parade floats… Continue reading this fake story…