Unlock Your Resort Room With Dole Whip

Disney Set To Dole Whip Your Ass: This week Disney announced that all Walt Disney World Resort guests will be able to unlock their room with a Dole Whip by the end of this year. Previously guests could use their MagicBand or something called a “key” to gain access to their guest room. “Guests have always been wanting more technology integrated into their vacation experience,” says Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Geronimo is Vice President of Walt Disney World Guest Room Technologies. “What better way to bring people into the future than having guests enter their rooms with a friggen Dole… Continue reading this fake story…

Coming Soon: All Parade Floats To Be Set Ablaze

Late last week theme park guests visiting Magic Kingdom Park looked on in horror as the parade float depicting the beloved Maleficent dragon from Sleeping Beauty caught fire during the Festival of Fantasy parade. Luckily, no one was injured and the blaze was quickly extinguished. Or was it? Out of the ashes of the damaged parade float came a wonderful idea: set all parade floats on fire. “Guest Services was flooded with comments following the Maleficent dragon going up in flames,” said Sandy Richards, Vice President of Guest Relations. “They wanted to know when they could see more parade floats… Continue reading this fake story…

BREAKING NEWS: Father’s Outburst Witnessed by Dozens

Last Saturday at the Magic Kingdom, a father exclaimed he has “had it up to here” with his kids. The disturbance was witnessed by a handful of people who were innocently passing by when the father’s outburst occurred. “I was on my way to inquire about when the 3:00 parade started and I saw this father of two who looked very upset,” park patron Deborah Stephens recalls. “One of his kids was seemingly in the middle of a temper tantrum when their dad interrupted and said, ‘If you don’t cut it out, we’re going back to the room!’ It was… Continue reading this fake story…