WDW Cast Members to Get Labor Day Off

Cast Members at the Walt Disney World Resort are being encouraged to take this Labor Day off from work, according to a company wide memo sent to all Disney World Cast Members on Sunday. The resort-wide paid vacation day was granted to all employees in recognition for “putting up with some really wicked assholes.” People who work at the Walt Disney World Resort (known as “Cast Members”) generally have a great time interacting with happy and appreciative guests. However, it may shock you to discover that there are a few assholes out in the world, and those assholes like taking… Continue reading this fake story…

Epcot to Rename all Parking Lots to “Explore”

The Walt Disney Company announced on Friday that all seven surface lots would be renamed to “Explore.” The move comes after an increase in guests not remembering which lot they parked in and therefore failing to locate their vehicles. “Our research indicates that many guests are so amped up to get inside Epcot that they forget to make a note of which section their car is parked,” Geoffrey Blanketship, Lead Analyst of Disney World’s Traffic and Transportation Division tells us. “By the time they’re ready to go home, they don’t have the foggiest idea where they parked their car earlier… Continue reading this fake story…

Disney’s Magical Express to Install “Tight Ass” Rims

Disney’s Magical Express is a free shuttle service that takes guests staying at a Walt Disney World Resort hotel to and from the airport. Those busses are about to transport guests in style! According to a source who has never steered me wrong about these types of things, spinning rims will be added to the entire fleet of Disney’s Magical Express busses by January 2017. “We’re always looking for ways to ‘plus’ anything we do,” John Turner, Vice President of Disney’s Transportation division told me. “We have Planning Commission meetings about what we can do with our busses once or… Continue reading this fake story…

Area Teenager Not Impressed with Frozen Ever After

Frozen Ever After, a new attraction at the Norway pavilion in Epcot’s World Showcase recently opened to the delight of millions around the world. But not everyone is happy. Enter Brendan Allen, a local 14 year old teenager who was at Epcot with his family. He has been among the first people to experience this new attraction. “The ride sucked bawlz,” Allen told us after just viewing the attraction. “It was beyond terrible… like worse than Batman vs. Superman. It was that bad.” His reasons for disliking the attraction mirror what many have wrote in Disney forums online. “My little… Continue reading this fake story…

MagicBands Being Replaced with Eye Patches

The internet has been buzzing lately with rumors of a possible replacement to the wrist-worn MagicBands. We have it on good authority that the next generation version of the MagicBand will NOT be worn around the wrist, but over the eye! “The Walt Disney Company is very excited to announce that soon park guests will be able utilize our patented MagicBand technology in a convenient and stylish eye patch,” Tammy Stephens, Vice President of Disney’s Advanced Ocular Technology Division. “Guests will still be able to do everything they could with the wrist band, including entering the park, using it as… Continue reading this fake story…