Yachtsman Steakhouse Adding Dubstep DJ

Yachtsman Steakhouse to Feature Dubstep DJ

Elegant Restaurant Wants To Cater To Millennials with Dubstep Music:

The Yachtsman Steakhouse will soon be adding a Dubstep DJ in an effort to entice younger people to eat at their restaurant. Dubstep is a genre of electronic dance music. It’s best listened to while tripping balls or eating a $50 steak.

Yachtsman Steakhouse is … Continue reading this fake story…

Grand Floridian Reverting to Dial-Up Internet

Dial-Up Internet Returning to Grand Floridian

“High Speed Internet Does Not Match Theme”

Officials at the Grand Floridian Resort and Spa announced today that they will soon be phasing out high speed internet in their guest rooms. They will instead revert back to dial-up speeds to keep with the turn-of-the-century theme of the resort.

“Yeah, we looked into … Continue reading this fake story…

Unlock Your Resort Room With Dole Whip

Guests Can Unlock Their Resort Room With A Dole Whip

Disney Set To Dole Whip Your Ass:

This week Disney announced that all Walt Disney World Resort guests will be able to unlock their room with a Dole Whip by the end of this year. Previously guests could use their MagicBand or something called a “key” to gain access to … Continue reading this fake story…

Grand Floridian Adding Exclusive Third Monorail Line

Grand Floridian Adding Exclusive Monorail Line

Third Monorail Line Would Connect Magic Kingdom to Grand Floridian

It was announced today that a third monorail track will be added to the Magic Kingdom Resort loop. The new line will connect only the Magic Kingdom and Grand Floridian. A lone monorail train will make the trek back and forth between the two stops. This track … Continue reading this fake story…

Richard Gerth Respawns Near Discovery Island

Longtime fans of Walt Disney World were saddened to learn of the sudden, unexpected, shocking, and unbelievable passing of Richard Gerth late last week. Gerth, aged 92 Earth-cycles, was a greeter at Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa and had developed quite a following after working the same position for almost 30 years. However those same fans’ sorrow and anguish quickly … Continue reading this fake story…