Ramirez, Thompson Called Up From Disney Farm League

Call-Ups to Help With Seasonal Crowds It’s December, which means it’s time for call-ups from Disney’s farm system. Daniel Ramirez from Idaho and Brenda Thompson from California were called up today. They will help with the increase in crowds expected during the holiday season. Ramirez will be deployed to the End Zone Food Court while Thompson will be assigned to assist with pre-parade preparations. “The first thing I did was call my mom,” Ramirez said about this call-up. “I’ve been training hard in Disney’s farm system for years. My hard work has finally paid off.” Disney’s farm system, dubbed “Farm… Continue reading this fake story…

Yachtsman Steakhouse Adding Dubstep DJ

Elegant Restaurant Wants To Cater To Millennials with Dubstep Music: The Yachtsman Steakhouse will soon be adding a Dubstep DJ in an effort to entice younger people to eat at their restaurant. Dubstep is a genre of electronic dance music. It’s best listened to while tripping balls or eating a $50 steak. Yachtsman Steakhouse is an upscale, fine-dining restaurant at the Yacht Club Resort in Walt Disney World. The New England-themed cuisine is a favorite among guests who want an excellent steak dinner. However, recent times have shown a sharp decline in the millennial-aged guest. To combat this, Disney has… Continue reading this fake story…

Grand Floridian Reverting to Dial-Up Internet

“High Speed Internet Does Not Match Theme” Officials at the Grand Floridian Resort and Spa announced today that they will soon be phasing out high speed internet in their guest rooms. They will instead revert back to dial-up speeds to keep with the turn-of-the-century theme of the resort. “Yeah, we looked into it and I guess they didn’t have Wi-Fi in the 1900’s,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, referring to people who lived in the 1900’s. Geronimo is Vice President of Information Technology at Grand Floridian Resort and Spa. “After much discussion and research, we concluded that the internet speeds… Continue reading this fake story…

Unlock Your Resort Room With Dole Whip

Disney Set To Dole Whip Your Ass: This week Disney announced that all Walt Disney World Resort guests will be able to unlock their room with a Dole Whip by the end of this year. Previously guests could use their MagicBand or something called a “key” to gain access to their guest room. “Guests have always been wanting more technology integrated into their vacation experience,” says Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III. Geronimo is Vice President of Walt Disney World Guest Room Technologies. “What better way to bring people into the future than having guests enter their rooms with a friggen Dole… Continue reading this fake story…

Grand Floridian Adding Exclusive Third Monorail Line

Third Monorail Line Would Connect Magic Kingdom to Grand Floridian It was announced today that a third monorail track will be added to the Magic Kingdom Resort loop. The new line will connect only the Magic Kingdom and Grand Floridian. A lone monorail train will make the trek back and forth between the two stops. This track will serve only those guests staying at the Grand Floridian who are otherwise too precious to wait through three other stops before they arrive at their resort. Currently, guests staying at the Grand Floridian Resort & Spa must first stop at Disney’s Contemporary… Continue reading this fake story…