DHS Spraying for Pedophiles

Disney Sprays for Pedophiles Ahead of Opening of Toy Story Land

Disney's Hollywood Studios Theme Parks Walt Disney World

DHS Spraying for Pedophiles

Exterminators Spraying For Creeps

Rodents and other pests won’t be the only vile creatures not welcome when Toy Story Land opens on June 30th. Disney’s Hollywood Studios will also use their exterminators to spray for pedophiles.

When a new ride or attraction debuts, it is customary for exterminators to spray for insects prior to its opening. Disney chose to take it a step further for the new kid-oriented land at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. They hope to keep the area clear of creepy people who would otherwise prey on children.

“It’s one of those things that you don’t really notice until you start seeing them,” Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III said about pedophiles. Geronimo is Vice President of Extermination at Walt Disney World. He has seen his fair share of pests. “I usually follow the screaming. That’s how I know a pedophile has been spotted.”

Pedophiles are pests that are known to congregate in areas with underage children. Although they come in many shapes and sizes, they generally wear glasses, are overweight, have several unidentified stains on their t-shirt, and look like they blog for a popular Disney website. They tend to live around tropical areas that contain theme parks but can be found anywhere in the world.

“People tend to think this is a Disney-only problem,” continued Geronimo. “You can find pedophiles anywhere like at your school, at the mall, at church – oh, boy do we see a lot of them in churches.”

Exterminating Agent Masked With Popcorn Scent

The exterminators at Walt Disney World take their jobs seriously when it comes to pests. They spray or set traps nightly in an effort to stay vigilant against a possible infestation. That’s why it’s rare for them to come in contact with the guests.

For pedophiles, the extermination process is similar to that of other pests. A repelling agent is sprayed around the perimeter for most rides, restaurants, and retail locations. They also use a heavy amount of spray in and around the restrooms. The scent is a mixture of male and female pheromones taken from adult-aged humans in an effort to deter pedophiles from entering the park. The smell is toxic to pedophiles but smells like popcorn to anyone who is not a pedophile.

“I get a lot of people wondering whether they are pedophiles or not,” Geronimo said. “I just ask them if they smell popcorn. If they say ‘yes’ then it’s easy: not a pedophile. If they don’t [smell popcorn]… well…”

Toy Story Land opens on June 30th and promises to be pedophile-free.

“Legally, we cannot promise that,” Geronimo corrected.

Toy Story Land opens on June 30th and probably won’t have pedophiles.

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