Richard Gerth Respawns Near Discovery Island

Longtime fans of Walt Disney World were saddened to learn of the sudden, unexpected, shocking, and unbelievable passing of Richard Gerth late last week. Gerth, aged 92 Earth-cycles, was a greeter at Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa and had developed quite a following after working the same position for almost 30 years. However those same fans’ sorrow and anguish quickly turned into jubilation late Sunday night after it was unveiled that his character had respawned near Discovery Island.

Richard Gerth is back and he’s better than ever. When he respawned, he gained 1000 XP, re-gained all of his original weapons, had his health and body armor restored, and he acquired complete and unfettered access to the Twin Blades of Azzinoth.

His new powers also make him irresistible to the ladies.

“It’s very rare that one of our Cast Members respawns with such elite status,” said Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, Vice President of Disney’s Cast Member Alliance Guild. “Usually [our Cast Members] return to us as a lazy-eyed, vape-smoking millennial who end up lasting a week with us before they move back in with Mom and Dad.”

Gerth was special, Geronimo continued.

“There was something magical about him the moment he shook your hand at the Grand Floridian,” Geronimo said. “Not only did he absorb millions of germs and viruses from around the world by coming in direct contact with the hands of the unwashed masses over the years, but he was a pretty nice guy as well.”

Typhoid Lagoon will have more on this story as it develops.

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