Local Gator’s Union to Go On Strike

Breaking News Walt Disney World

The local chapter of the National Alliance of Crocodiles and Alligators Union (NACAU) out of Lake Buena Vista, Florida has announced plans to sue the Walt Disney Company for discrimination and deliberate segregation practices if their demands are not met.

This move comes almost two years after Disney started putting rocks and fencing along shorelines, effectively forcing alligators who reside on Walt Disney World property to stay confined to a pre-designated area.

“I feel violated,” Allie Getter, President of NACAU told us. “Disney put all this water around their resort, inviting us to come live there, but then they’re like, ‘You can’t go here, here, here…’ I can finally relate to the plight Native Americans felt in this country during the Trail of Tears.”

Our research team indicated to us in a closed-door meeting in our William H. Macy Conference Room that Getter was referring to when the United States Federal Government forced Native Americans away from gator-rich areas in the 1830’s.

“We just want to be heard,” Getter continued. “We want Disney to realize that they can’t keep us out of whatever areas they desire. We will continue to picket until we are once again given free reign to go wherever we want, whenever we want.”

Many visitors to the Walt Disney World Resort have noticed the gators picketing on some of the more popular beaches. Some people, like Ben Matthews, can relate to their fight.

“I was walking with my wife on the beach of the Polynesian and I noticed the gators picketing,” Matthews tells us. “I can understand where they’re coming from. To borrow a phrase from their picket line battle cries, they just ‘want to be where the people are.’ They just want to see, want to see them dancing, you know? You can’t fault them for that.”

Follow-up emails to Matthews asking for pictures of his wife went unanswered. We then turned our attention to the opposition of this issue. We spoke with Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, Vice President of Walt Disney World’s Wildlife Conservation Society.

“Alligators and crocodiles are dangerous,” Geronimo told us while stepping out of his Hummer H2 SUV with two scantily-clad women on his arm. “They don’t want to see us dancing! They want to eat us while we’re dancing. We have to separate the two. This should be common sense. We plan to fight their demands and eventually the lawsuit with extreme prejudice.”

When asked what Disney’s approach to fighting this lawsuit will be, Geronimo mentioned that they would likely “slither through legal loopholes, skimming the surface of previous lawsuits and then eventually – when the time is right – we’ll chomp down on their legal team with such force that they’ll be pulled under the by weight of litigation only to lose their court battle with their very last breath.”

Getter didn’t seem to be phased by Geronimo’s threats.

“I’ve got pretty thick skin. Put all the fences and rocks up you want,” Getter said. “We’ll find a way to climb them to be where the people are.”

We will continue to monitor the situation and report any snap judgements or decisions here.

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