Getting around Disney World can be tough for newbies. Never fear, because Typhoid Lagoon is here. Just follow our top 10 tips and secrets from Typhoid Lagoon’s expert panel of Walt Disney World veterans. Our exclusive panel of six (headed by Vice President of Typhoid Lagoon’s Vacation Experts, Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III) have been to Disney World a total of five times between them, so they definitely know what they’re talking about. Check it out.
10) Walt Disney World is named after a real person.
Walt Disney World isn’t just a clever brand name like Google, Apple, and PornHub. The theme park is named after an actual person named Walt Disney. Walt Disney lived (on Earth) from 1901 – 1966 and was successful in many areas of life. When Florida’s theme park opened in 1971, it was named after Walt Disney as a tribute to all the great things he accomplished.
9) There are many hotel options available.
It is a common rookie mistake to think you need to bring your sleeping bag with you when you visit Walt Disney World. There are actually many resorts available on site catering to many different budgets. You don’t have to sleep outside on the ground if you don’t want to.
8) Plenty of food options.
Another rookie mistake is thinking that food is nowhere to be found throughout Walt Disney World. In fact, there are hundreds of world-class dining options in all budget categories. Disney World isn’t like other theme parks where you need to bring a shopping cart full of food so your family can eat. (Actually, shopping carts are not allowed inside the park!) If you get hungry, you can visit any number of snack carts, counter service locations, and table service restaurants.
7) Many children visit Walt Disney World.
It may shock some to realize that Walt Disney World not only caters to 35 year old virgins like yourself, but to families as well. When you arrive to WDW, expect to see many families with children in the parks. Many of the rides and attractions are suited toward children as well.
6) A Disney World vacation can get expensive.
On paper it may seem like a vacation to Walt Disney World would be inexpensive but in fact, it is the opposite. With theme park tickets, lodging, food, souvenirs, and lawsuits, an average family of four can easily spend a few thousand dollars. Keep this in mind when deciding how much of your retirement account you want to use.
5) You don’t have to go on just one ride!
Gone are the days when you’d visit a theme park and leave after one ride. Disney World theme parks have a unique model that allows guests to buy one ticket for admission and ride as many rides as they want for the day until the park closes. PRO TIP: To maximize your ticket price, arrive when the park opens and leave when the park closes with no breaks. This tip works great for families with small children, especially on crowded days.
4) The Haunted Mansion is not really haunted.
Many first-time visitors to Walt Disney World think that the Haunted Mansion attraction at the Magic Kingdom is actually haunted and one to be avoided. It really isn’t haunted, though. Disney Imagineers designed the ride to make it look haunted. It’s a little trick they like to call “tom-foolery.”
3) It gets hot on some days.
Not everyone is a meteorologist so it may come as a surprise to some that select days can get quite hot in Central Florida. These uncomfortably high temperatures can lead to exhaustion, dehydration, and dyslexia. Plan accordingly by taking appropriate breaks (unless you’re following Tip #5), drinking plenty of fluids (like water or Tide Pods), and having your loved ones give you simple reading tests to make sure your brain stays sharp. These hot days can even occur in the winter months, so those folks visiting from colder climates should leave the parkas and long underwear in the car at the airport or with a trusted stranger.
2) Some parks have fireworks shows.
A great way to end a perfect day at the park is to take in some pyrotechnic displays in the form of fireworks. Most of the theme parks in Florida have some sort of laser or fireworks display every night, so you’ll definitely want to check that out. When it starts getting dark, keep your eyes on the sky and you’ll be sure to spot a firework or two.
1) Restrooms are widely available.
In the old days, you would be out and about throughout the city and suddenly find yourself scrambling to get back home so you can declare fecal jihad due to the leftover tacos you had for breakfast. Not at Disney! You no longer have to go back to your hotel room to use the bathroom. Restrooms are available (for men AND women) throughout the park. Ask a friendly Cast Member where the nearest one is or follow your nose to the scent of other humans taking care of business.
BONUS TIP: There are FREE maps at every park.
Getting around the parks can be tricky if you’ve never been there before. It is quite easy to get lost. Lucky for you, we know the secrets on how to get around. Each park has free maps available to all guests at the entrance to the park. Who doesn’t like free things? The maps will tell you where to find the rides, attractions, character greeting areas, restrooms, and food options. They even can tell you when special shows and events are happening, such as the fireworks mentioned in Tip #2.
There you have it. Just follow these tips and your next Walt Disney World vacation is sure to be a magical one!
