BREAKING: Magic Kingdom Security Screening Moving to Discovery Island

Guests traveling to the Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World will soon be re-routed to the former site of Discovery Island to be screened by security prior to entering the park. The move is meant to alleviate crowd congestion in the small area in front of Magic Kingdom. “We were looking for ways to thin out the crowd and then someone [at the meeting] mentioned Discovery Island and we were like, ‘well, duh!’,” said Harris Bonneville, Vice President of Security for Magic Kingdom Park. “It was the perfect answer to our problem.” Guests traveling to the Magic Kingdom in recent… Continue reading this fake story…

Beauty and the Beast Gets R-Rating

The live action version of Beauty and the Beast opening this Friday will be rated R according to reports. The film is an adaptation of the 1991 animated classic by the same title. In an unusual move, the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) announced the rating change the same week the film is to be released. “After careful consideration, we decided to give [Beauty and the Beast] an R rating,” said Margret Walters, Vice President of the MPAA. “The deciding factor was the amount of times Beast’s erect penis is shown throughout the film.” Walters went on to explain… Continue reading this fake story…