Man Regrets Starting Day with Buffet

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Our sources indicate that a guest visiting the Walt Disney World Resort is now regretting his choice in breakfast this morning: a buffet at Chef Mickey’s.

Chef Mickey’s is a character breakfast buffet located inside the main concourse of the Contemporary Resort. It consists of a variety of dishes including eggs, pancakes, waffles, sausages, cereals, pastries, and for the truly insane – fruit. It’s an all-you-care-to-enjoy feast that satisfies all who partake.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” said Chef Mickey’s patron Barry Salazar. “The food all looked so delicious that I wanted to try it all. But now, several hours removed from my buffet, I’m feeling really sluggish.”

Salazar went on to report that he’s having trouble keeping up with his children because he is so tired. As of press time, he has sat out on three rides while he tries to regain his strength.

The trouble started when Salazar first stood in line for the buffet. Witnesses indicated that he made the rookie mistake of not scoping out the available dishes prior to grabbing a plate. One witness who asked not to be identified due to safety concerns mentioned that she saw him take normal-sized portions and tried to fit everything he wanted onto the plate.

“What you’re supposed to do is devise a plan,” the witness told us. “Take small portions and then you can fit more on your plate. The key too, is to remember that you can always come back for seconds and thirds.”

To analyze the situation, we showed the surveillance video to Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III who is the Vice President of the non-profit Buffet Analysis Group. They specialize in meeting with guests who are planning to attend a buffet and come up with custom itineraries on what they should eat.

“There was no strategy there,” Geronimo told us about Salazar’s approach to the buffet. “I’ve seen it a million times. People think the food will run out so they grab as much as they can during the first pass. The key is to pace yourself.”

Salazar’s wife knew her husband was in trouble when he went up to the buffet for a second helping.

“He always does this,” Wendy Salazar told us. “He wants to desperately to get his money’s worth that he overeats. I’ve tried to tell him that he’s going to pay the price when he can’t keep up with us later.”

Concerned park guests have tweeted us indicating that they witnessed a guest who appeared to be comatose lying on a park bench. Medical staff were alerted. We can only speculate at this point that it is Salazar who is receiving medical attention.

Keep your eyes on TyphoidLagoon.com for more updates.

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