Steven Tyler to be ELIMINATED From Ride

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It was reported earlier this week on the internet that Disney would be digitally altering Steven Tyler to remove a potentially offensive hand gesture he posed during the Rock ’n’ Roller Coaster’s pre-show at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. However, it appears that Disney will be taking it one step further to completely eliminate Aerosmith’s front man altogether and replace him with the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man.

The Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man (or ‘Inflatable Tube Man’ for short) has grown in popularity over the years and many have been petitioning and speculating as to when this beloved character will make his way to the Disney theme parks.

“We felt it was time this character become a permanent fixture here at the Disney’s Hollywood Studios,” Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, Vice President of Character and Licensing Integration at Walt Disney World tells us. “He proved his star power at car washes and oil change locations across the country and now he will find his home at our Rock ’n’ Roller Coaster attraction.”

Earlier this week, Steven Tyler’s “Shocker” hand gesture was digitally altered after a complaint was entered which found his gesture “inappropriate and offensive.” Brenda Willstrong, a 32-year-old single mother of two was the author of that complaint.

“I’ve been visiting Disney World on and off for over a decade,” Willstrong said. “I’ve been on [Rock ’n’ Roller Coaster] countless times since then and it just now occurred to me how offensive his gesture is to me and I’m vegan, so…”

When asked to elaborate further, Willstrong only added that it was “of vital importance” that we mention she was vegan, along with her twin 11-year-old boys Astrid Stahr and Stahrr Astral.

“The Rock ’n’ Roller Coaster first opened in 1999 and has entertained millions of park guests since its inception,” Thomas Parker, author and theme park insider writes us. “Not one person has complained about this ride or even cared that [Steven] Tyler gave ‘The Shocker’ hand gesture in 17 years. In fact, my research indicates that many single mothers in their 40’s actually loved this ride not for the roller coaster but because of the gesture itself.”

Being writers of a Disney-themed web site, the staff at Typhoid Lagoon was unfamiliar with what “The Shocker” was, so we let our staff Research Team investigate. They tell us that “The Shocker” is in reference to a culinary technique for consuming Neapolitan ice cream that involves placing two fingers in the strawberry flavor and one finger in the chocolate flavor. The mixture has been known to induce a pleasurable shocking sensation.

The digitally altered version of Steven Tyler’s hand gesture changed from “The Shocker” gesture to a fully extended hand across the forehead, adding one finger to the equation. However, Geronimo went on to tell us that Aerosmith’s front man Steven Tyler would be removed entirely from the attraction.

“Once we showed Miss Willstrong the new version of the ride, she seemed even more upset,” Geronimo added. “So we felt it was in our best interest to eliminate [Steven Tyler] from the attraction completely. His lines will be dubbed over with ‘ffft’ and ‘woosh’ sound effects to match the Inflatable Tube Man.”

A follow-up email to Geronimo requesting the details of Willstrong’s second complaint was not answered as of press time.

“I thought the digitally altered version was even more offensive,” Willstrong wrote in a follow-up email. “Being vegan, I thought it was disgusting. I don’t know where that hand has been!”

The newest iteration of the Rock ’n’ Roller Coaster attraction should be complete by Fall 2016.

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