Disney Testing MagicBands for Restrooms

MagicBands for Restrooms

With the recent success of Disney’s new MagicBand technology, Disney Imagineers have been looking for ways to “plus it.” They may have found the solution in a common place: the restrooms.

“We’re already tracking everything the guest does: what attractions they visit, what stores they shop at, where they eat,” Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, President of Disney’s Research and Development writes. “It was only natural that we extend our technology into our restrooms.”

Disney’s MagicBand technology debuted in 2013. It is a RFID-enabled wrist band guests wear that tracks their movements throughout the park, it tracks their purchases, and it even can be used as a room key for their Disney resort.

The new technology will work in conjunction with the other pre-existing built-in features of the MagicBand.

“When a guest stops by a food cart and purchases a beverage, for instance, your MagicBand will determine how long it takes for that beverage to enter your blood stream and ultimately, alert you when it’s time to use the restroom,” explained Geronimo. “It will even give us a detailed readout of which restroom you visited, how long you were in there, and whether it was a ‘Number 1’ or a ‘Number 2’.”

As technology progresses, more and more personal data is being aggregated and used to learn more about the park guest. Until now, restrooms have always been a “safe haven” to get away from Big Brother. Naturally, there are some park guests that see this as violating their privacy.

“Really? Really?! We’re really doing this?” voiced one concerned park guest who wished to remain unidentified. “Mickey wants to know when and where I’m gonna shit? Well, I tell ya what. I’ll be doing it at Universal Studios from now on.”

While some guests may find the thought of the MagicBand tracking you into the restrooms a breach of privacy, other park guests welcome it.

“I think it’s a fantastic idea,” park guest Buck Plankchest tells us. “I love the idea of a MagicBand reminding me to use the bathroom. When I go on vacation, I want it to be worry-free, from top to bottom.”

“Just yesterday I got in an argument with my family about how often I’m dropping a deuce at the parks,” park guest Alexis Sprinklebottom added. “I’d love for them to look at my data and say, ‘See? I only shit three times this morning and each time it was only for 15 minutes.’ That kind of irrefutable proof would go a long way to re-establishing my credibility.”

Disney says that gathering this new restroom data will allow them to determine where restrooms are needed and how often to clean the pre-existing restrooms. They also hope to eventually be able to warn Cast Members about guests who may be what Disney calls “High Shit Risk” (HSR) guests: those who easily get frightened on their more popular attractions such as Tower of Terror and El Rio de Tiempo, and who may be a risk to cause extensive damage on their attractions.

“We hope that our HSR guests will take the polite suggestion to evacuate their bowels prior to enjoying on of our attractions,” concluded Geronimo. “Most will be receptive to the suggestion. The data doesn’t lie.”

The new phase of Disney’s MagicBand is scheduled to debut by early 2017.

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